What I really learned January 6, 2009

The only thing I am certain of is uncertainty.  For some time I thought I knew who I was and where I was headed only to find out at the end of a 5 year journey that I really am in the same place that I started.  I started college as an adult.  I had left a not-so-promising career in an automotive factory where I was making a decent living to pursue a lifelong dream of completing a college degree in psychology.  The good news is, although I am working a job at the moment that I refer to as “my newspaper route job”, in a bookstore, I would have lost my job at GM a few years ago in the initial layoffs when the rest of my friends became unemployed.  (If that can be considered good news). 

            I am only one of three people in my entire family to have a college degree.  I am proud of this.  As a second generation American (Mexican-American), I was not born into a life of privilege.  At the age of 18 in a Latino household, you do not get to choose which college you want to attend and move away.  I had to get a job or multiple jobs and help pay the bills, and as the youngest had to help my Mom out at home.  I am proud to be a part of my family.  We are all hard workers and we are very passionate people.  We share close relationships with each other and our friends.

            I am reflecting on my past because I need to document my progress in order to focus on my future.  I was in a big hurry to graduate only to find out after crossing the finish line that I entered a big black abyss with only a tiny keychain sized flashlight.  I will be honest; this kind of has me twisted, if you can’t already tell!  I am proud of my academic and personal accomplishments.  I made it through a parental divorce that was probably the worst time in my life.  I had to learn as an adult child to split holidays, gain a stepmother, stepsiblings, and still maintain loyalty to my real parent who was waiting at home with an attitude.  I was once engaged to a videogame and starwars obsessed narcissist with no promise of a future with a side of mental illness (that was a waste of 6 years of my life that I can’t have back). 

            I learned who I was, who I am, who I want to be.  I found God.  I also found religion.  I became passionate about music and God.  I started singing again.  I started to love myself.    I act in plays!  I learned to speak a second language fluently by choice, spent time in a third world country, and learned to play the guitar.  These were things that were on my “bucket list”, and I am very proud!  I learned to go get what I want.  I make things happen. I am truly blessed with great friends and family and I know that I would never be who I am without their support and love.  (I am sorry in advance if I ever blog mean/funny things about you.) I am nervous about the future, but I know I am in good hands.  I made it through all of that without any clarity, and now I am excited about what is in store!