I once had this girlfriend. Friend who was a girl of course, I’m no lesbo (although I don’t have an issue with lesbians, especially ones who can landscape or fix things). Anyway, I digress, this friend was worse for me than crystal meth to a lonely trailorpark teenager with low self esteem. She has no other female friends. I have this theory about women who have no female companions…it is that way for a reason. That didn’t happen by accident because of bad luck or because the world is a bad place and women are evil. This happens because nobody wants to be friends with “that girl”. “That girl” is crazy…the kind of crazy that attracts good men and ruins them for good. She loves all attention from men. She will ditch her girlfriends in an instant because of a call from any male. She will take their word over any females word. She will cheat, lie, steal, just to get her kicks.
This girl also happened to be a drunk. She would keep me out until all hours of the morning on school/work nights. She would get me to ditch my commitments and encouraged me to be like her.
The sad thing about this situation was that I wanted to be her friend. I wanted so badly to be the true friend that she never had. I wanted to make her a better person and to “show her the way”. Sadly, I learned that even when it comes to relationships with women, we cannot change someone.
Eventually the problems came to a head like a big ugly zit and exploded one night at 4AM. She called me drunk from downtown (as she very often did). This time I had been with her earlier in the evening. I had consumed a couple of beers, but had rested a long time before driving home. When I left I tried to convince her to let me drive her home or to my house to crash for the night. A guy “friend” of hers who happens to be married, offered to “take her for a ride” on his motorcycle and although I tried to get her to go home, like always, she decided to go for a joy ride instead with some married pig.
As it turns out, she “lost” her car keys between the bar, motorcycle escapade, and her drunken lonely walk back to her vehicle. She called me with her same drunken tirade “I’m not okay” speech, which ultimately nauseates me. I asked her twice if I could drive back downtown and pick her up, but she insisted on crying about her sad life. I ran out of sympathy. I was exhausted from working 2 jobs, going to school full time, working on my senior projects at school, and rehearsing for a play. I had no more energy to be out with her until 9am drinking and watching her mascara run (she could totally give Courtney Love a run for her money for ‘biggest mess ever’).
Did I fail to mention how she was always trying to put me on a diet?!?!?! Yeah, she was a “healthy” woman herself. She claimed to have an eating disorder, would never eat in front of me, and had severe issues with the fact that I was a confident big woman. She also wore about a 14/16 and claimed to be a 12. Although I haven’t been a size 12 since I was a toddler, I just so happen to know how big a 12 is, and she WASN’T.
So, being the fixer upper that I tend to be…I took it upon myself to fix her. I would be her friend, teach her to love herself, and do the fun girlfriend stuff like shopping, talking about boys, blah blah blah. The final night she kept calling my phone at 4Am, without respecting the fact that I had to be up at 8AM for school, forced me to ignore her indefinitely.
Her final message on my voicemail said something like “I will never talk to you again, for not being there for me, and for making me walk down Market Street like a WHORE”.
Ladies if you are reading this, don’t become friends with “this girl”. She will never accept you for who you are because she cannot accept herself. She doesn’t love herself and therefore cannot love you. She will never respect you because she has no respect for herself. She is a poisonous leech who will suck you dry.
Men, I would tell you not to date her…but you probably already have or will. Just realize that all women are not like her.
I had that girl, too, and….sorry, I was momentarily distracted by free credit report guy at the Renaissance Faire…anyhow, yes. That. Girl. Or in my case That. Woman. The psychological vampire of friends. Mine had me helping check her husband’s computer history to see if any of the links led to porn (I still shake my head and wonder why I went along with that). Sometimes you have to just end it. It’s a brave move. Good for you.
Why did she have to walk like a whore? I mean, she could have just walked like a normal person.
Oh sunshine, you definitely have mental health professional written all over you! Even though in this particular case, the lesson was learned the hard way, the insight you’ve developed about this will serve you well for years to come, buddy. And Ive gotta tell ya sister, you are way farther along than I was at your stage in the game. I was still at the “where did I fail this person in my quest to love her out of her craziness?” stage of development. You are already past that and putting the accountability back where it belongs. Now that I think about it, I STILL struggle with that part sometimes (although it’s MUCH easier now). I think as you keep moving forward, you will find that there are lots of guys who see right through this girl (perhaps after hard lessons learned?) and are ready to appreciate someone like you all the more! This was a great post buddy (sorry if Im a little rambly, I just woke up from a cat-nap after some crazy sleeplessness!) and a wonderful reflection of your potential to be a really fantastic MH professional!
Finally, a note to my esteemed friend (read: cyber-stalkee) Dexter. Point well taken! One could make the argument that the mere act of walking on Market street at 4am implies whorishness, but it’s clear that she could have just as easily done the homeless person shuffle. Tip o the hat for being on top of that one sir.