getting by with a lil help. April 11, 2011

So, the last few weeks have been rough.  I admit that the last several days have been much better.  I’m starting to feel like me again.  I could have never come to this point without help from my friends.  The closed chapter of my life, that was a painful one, had a really horrid and unfinished ending.  I never planned on any of my personal business becoming public.  Had he not chosen to tell all of facebook a complete lie, including a “photo”, my friend would have never posted the pictures of my war injuries.  The entire incident is embarrassing.  I lied to the police and I lied to myself.  Who was I really protecting?  Truth be told, I was in complete shock right after everything went down and I didn’t want it to become a public story.  When my friend posted the photos of me, I couldn’t hide anymore.  I didn’t look in the mirror for at least 4 days, but with the help of my friends I was able to face the world and myself once more.

A male friend of mine, who is a local artist, mental health worker, and ridiculously great guy posted as his status on FB “I am choosing sides”.  He told me that the person has to be accountable by everyone.  People should not turn the other cheek when it comes to violence, but they should hold that person accountable to the damage that they caused.  He is my hero.

I had a few great girls who checked on me daily with texts, phone calls, and even sleep overs.  I didn’t eat for a week and a half (and sadly didn’t drop one pound due to my depression).  My best friend stayed at my house and made sure I stopped feeling afraid of everything.  He is my angel.  I had a couple of nights sleeping on different peoples couches and eventually stopped feeling afraid.

I have learned through all of this that you cannot be alone when the ship sinks.  No matter what the circumstance, you should try to cling to your support system.  My mother called me and told me to “hold my head up high when I leave the house and to make sure I brought tissues because I might need them”.  She is amazing.

I found a few great books that really helped me to understand his illness, and mine.  I received literally a hundred emails and phone calls from concerned friends as the news trickled down to most people that I know.  I could not respond to everyone, but want them to know that I appreciate every single word, thought, and prayer.  Keep the thoughts and prayers coming, because although I’m getting stronger by the minute, I still have a sadness that I can’t shake.

I don’t know what else to say, but thank you.  To Rob, Brooke, Bird, Kris, Daniel, Denim, Rick, Sean, Stewie, Tom, Boogie, Rachel, Ali (my raging bull sister), Kerri, Gina, Stacey, and God….(and multiple other people that can’t be named), I love you and I thank you for being my bridge over troubled water.

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